Kids aren’t just “going online”— they’re building their identities in full view of trackers, algorithms, and platforms designed for monetization. You can’t prevent that entirely as a parent, but you can guide it.
This is your guide to help you decide what tech milestones to allow, when to allow them, and how to make sure you and your child stay in control. If you’re a privacy-conscious parent navigating your child’s entry into digital life for the first time, we want to help you create a plan that keeps your child safe while giving them the tools to make smart and responsible decisions.
- Age 8-12: Start with an email account
- Age 13: Legal threshold for most social media platforms
- Age 14: First phone = First real freedom
- Age 15-16: Let them explore, but stay in the loop
- Age 17 and up: Digital independence
- What about monitoring apps? Why surveillance backfires
- Final takeaway
Age 8-12: Start with an email account
Milestone: First email account
Your child may need an email account for school so they can send homework assignments to teachers, communicate about extra-curricular activities, or stay in touch with friends.
What to help your child with:
- Use a privacy-first provider like Proton Mail(neues Fenster), which uses end-to-end encryption to make sure no one can see the content of your child’s emails or track them. It also prevents companies from tracking the emails your child opens..
- Keep your child’s identity private. Make sure they don’t use their real name when making an email address (for example, star.tiger24@ instead of sophiejohnson2009@).
- Set up a recovery email linked to your account in case your child forgets their login information. Store the passwords to your child’s online accounts in a safe and private space that you can easily remember and access, like Proton Pass.
What you can do:
- Store photos of your child using Proton Drive, where your photos are end-to-end encrypted and cannot be accessed by anyone or used to train AI without your permission.
What to teach:
- Never share login credentials — even with friends.
- What a phishing email might look like. Google’s Phishing Quiz(neues Fenster) gives great examples of phishing emails and how to spot them.
- Why privacy settings matter, even if “they’re just a kid.” Your child’s privacy on the internet is essential to keeping them safe. Teaching them about which privacy settings to enable and why will help them understand that browsing the internet isn’t just fun, it’s a big responsibility, too.
Age 13: Legal threshold for most social media platforms
Milestone: Eligibility for Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, etc.
The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) states that 13 is the minimum age(neues Fenster) for a child to use Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and other social platforms.
Note that this doesn’t mean they should get accounts at age 13. In fact, some experts advise waiting until 16(neues Fenster), and some countries, including Norway(neues Fenster) and Australia(neues Fenster), have implemented higher age limits. Ultimately, when your teen starts using social media is for you to decide.
What to help your teen with:
- Create a teen account wherever possible. Instagram and Facebook recently rolled out Teen Accounts(neues Fenster), which set social profiles to private by default. Teen Accounts also filter out sensitive content, have time limit reminders, and sleep mode to encourage healthier phone habits.
- Turn off contact syncing. When contact syncing is turned on, apps can access your phone’s contacts and alert them to your profile through the “people you may know” feature. By turning off contact syncing, your child’s profile won’t be accessible to anyone they aren’t already following.
- Turn off comments (or filter them aggressively). Social media can contribute to negative mental health and bullying. Turning off comments keeps bullying at bay and can teach kids not to prioritize other people’s comments and opinions.
- Opt out of personalized ads for your child where possible.
- Use Meta’s Family Center(neues Fenster) for oversight. Consider using the supervision feature, which enables parents to monitor their child’s Facebook interactions, screen time, and more.
What to teach:
- Even “disappearing” content (Snapchat, BeReal) can be screenshotted or scraped. This includes photos and messages.
- What to do if someone online makes them uncomfortable — and why they should tell a parent right away.
- Explain the concept of digital consent. Make sure your child understands why it’s important to ask for permission before taking someone’s photo and sharing it online. Never share someone else’s face without asking.
Learn more about social media parental controls:
Age 14: First phone = First real freedom
Milestone: First phone or device
This is a tricky age, as your child (reasonably) wants to assert more independence and be out in the world on their own. A phone can facilitate that. However, even adults have difficulty maintaining a healthy relationship with their smartphones(neues Fenster) — and many teens report feeling happy and peaceful(neues Fenster) without their smartphones nearby.
Some experts recommend letting your teen get a standard feature phone at 14(neues Fenster) and a smartphone at 16, but again, the ultimate decision is up to you. When you decide to give your teen a smartphone, we advise you to take the steps below.
What to help your teen with:
- Turn off ad personalization on Android or iOS to ensure your child isn’t being tracked and marketed to.
- Install Proton VPN(neues Fenster) to protect your child’s identity on public WiFi. Companies shouldn’t track children’s online browsing habits to turn a profit. When you use a Proton VPN, your internet traffic is routed through a secure server that hides your real IP address, making it harder for websites and advertisers to track where you are and what you do online.
- Enable app store restrictions so kids can’t make expensive in-app purchases without your permission.
- Require permission to install apps. Not all apps are age-appropriate, and many can include sensitive or offensive content. Make sure you know what apps your child has on their phone and that they ask you before downloading something new.
- Set up Proton Pass(neues Fenster) to create strong, reusable passwords and email aliases. It’s easy to forget a password, but Proton’s free password manager can help save your child time and make sure their passwords never get lost.
What to teach:
- Apps track your location, usage, and behavior, even when the screen is off.
- What “free” really means. Explain to your child that when something is marketed as “free,” they’re usually paying that company with their data instead.
- It’s OK to say no to location access or camera permissions. Apps shouldn’t need to know where you are or be able to access your camera to work.
- Introduce the idea of a “data double”— the profile companies build from a user’s behavior that is used to push individualized content based on their interests to keep them scrolling.
Age 15-16: Let them explore, but stay in the loop
Milestone: Expanding digital identity — multiple profiles, online communities, livestreaming
At this point, your teens should be able to start exploring on their own. You have to trust that the talks you’ve had with your teen over the years have sunk in, but also be available to help them if they get in over their head.
What to discuss:
- Digital permanence. The internet (almost) never forgets. It can be fun to post content on social media, but anything that is posted online can be saved for an indefinite amount of time. Even if you delete a photo or post, the image exists somewhere.
- The reputation risks of TikTok and livestreams. It might feel exciting to have a TikTok clip go viral, but most people aren’t ready for the repercussions that internet fame can have. A video that goes viral could be embarrassing, inappropriate, lead to bullying and harassment, or negatively affect potential career opportunities. Similarly, livestreams don’t always disappear once you’ve stopped streaming. Viewers can always find ways to anonymously record streams and re-post them elsewhere without permission.
- How tracking shapes what they see. Social media apps use trackers to collect data on who you are, your interests, and your browsing habits. They use this information to create a tailored feeds that prioritizes content you react positively to. This can quickly create “filter bubbles,” or “information bubbles,” leading to group-think and intellectual isolation. By filtering out content that one doesn’t align with or take interest in, people don’t get exposure to different ideas and can develop a distorted sense of reality.
- When to use real names vs. pseudonyms (hint: rarely use real names). Using your real name for different online and social media accounts can lead to limited privacy and a more trackable internet footprint.
Suggested tools:
- Proton Mail: Hopefully your child has already been using Proton Mail to keep their messages private. However, as they now begin signing up for different newsletters, apps, and accounts, they can use hide-my-email aliases so they won’t ever have to reveal their real email address.
- Signal(neues Fenster): It’s safer and more private than SMS or WhatsApp for personal messages.
- Browser tips: Install Firefox or Brave, which both have enhanced tracking protection.
Age 17 and up: Digital independence
Milestone: Near-adulthood. College apps, part-time jobs, and personal data trails matter now.
At this point, your teen has aged out of the parental controls and supervision features you were able to use on social media. While you should still be available to help, answer questions, or encourage, you must respect their independence (and accept that some mistakes will be made).
What to help your teen with:
- Create strong, unique passwords. Proton Pass can help you identify weak or reused passwords and can make stronger, harder to crack passwords with a built-in password generator.
- Use email aliases wherever possible. Using an email alias for job searches and applications so companies don’t know your real email address.
- Set up a Proton Drive account (If they don’t already have one) so they can store documents for school and university, job applications, and more.
- Perform a digital footprint audit. Google their name together and assess the results.
- Discuss data brokers — companies that collect and sell your data — and how their information is bought and sold.
- Talk to your kids about financial data safety and the pros and cons of using banking apps, PayPal, and Venmo. You should also discuss why Venmo transactions shouldn’t be public and how this could lead to phishing.
What about monitoring apps? Why surveillance backfires
Remember that trust almost always proves more effective than tracking. Over-monitoring your child can backfire, pushing them away and leading them to hide bad behavior. Kids can use fake Instagram accounts or “finstas,” second accounts, and other tricks to avoid being monitored by parents. If it comes down to a battle of ingenuity, expect your teens to be quite adept at evading your surveillance attempts.
Instead of spying, teach skills. Remember to have conversations about recognizing red flags, setting boundaries, and knowing when to report something or tell a parent.
Final takeaway
Online safety is about developing a set of lifelong skills, not a phase for your child or you. Help your child take their first steps online the same way you helped them take their first steps in life — with care, boundaries, and the goal of confident independence.
